After Everything
by jaybear1701
Summary: A post 2x10 "What If" one-shot: What if Cosima didn't immediately forgive Delphine at the end of 2x09? What if Delphine never got on the plane, but also never returned from "Frankfurt?" What if Delphine, two years later, has a sort-of chance meeting with a clone?


**A/N: **Just wanted to say off the bat that I firmly believe Delphine will do anything and everything to return to Cosima, which is what I expect (hope) will happen in Season 3. But! I still thought it might be fun to play with the idea of their reunion not happening immediately and the potential reasons behind such a scenario. Many thanks to tumblr user **hellacophine** (also known as **glynnbearboo** on AO3) for the beta read! It's much appreciated! I'm gonna return to my fluffier AU side for my next story. Please keep an eye out for it!

* * *

The last time Delphine Cormier laid eyes on Sarah Manning, the woman who shared a face with the love of her life had been in a state of panic. Delphine could never forget the desperation that had spurred Sarah from the back of a DYAD town car, hell bent on saving her daughter-the same daughter that Delphine had unintentionally placed in danger. It was forever seared into her memory.

And now, nearly two years later, Delphine catches her first glimpse of Sarah from the corner of her eye. Her heart starts to hammer against her ribcage and her hands go numb as anxiety courses through her. With sunglasses covering familiar brown eyes and a worn blue-checkered hoodie pulled up over her head, Sarah swaggers toward where Delphine sits. She drops herself down onto the hard curves of the same wooden park bench, sitting as far away from Delphine as possible.

Sarah says nothing and merely pulls out a phone, becoming engrossed in it. Delphine can't tell if she actually looking at anything of note, or if she's merely pretending. Their bench overlooks a small pond, its shimmering surface reflecting the surrounding fall foliage in distorted shades of red, orange, and yellow. Delphine watches joggers and cyclists navigate around the people strolling around the water. She smiles at the children throwing scraps of bread to the languidly floating ducks and geese. For all intents and purposes, Delphine and Sarah are nothing more than strangers out enjoying a beautiful fall day, just as planned.

"Should've known Bowles would send you," Sarah eventually spits out in her gruff Brixton accent. Her eyes remain glued to the screen of her phone. "D'ya have it?"

Delphine clears her throat, keeps her own gaze trained on the pond. "Under your seat."

She senses rather than sees Sarah discreetly reach a free hand under the bench and loosen what Delphine had attached there earlier with a few strips of masking tape. She quickly pulls up the small flash drive and secures it in her jacket pocket.

"Is this all of 'em?"

"Yes. None have showed signs of the autoimmune disorder. But the sooner you locate them and begin the gene therapy, the better. "

A grunt is all Delphine initially receives in reply.

"So," Sarah drawls, crossing her arms. "You look like shite. You doin' okay?"

Delphine chuckles. Sarah Manning. Still as charming as ever. "Why would you care?" She unconsciously runs a hand through her now chestnut brown hair that barely reaches her jaw line.

"I don't," Sarah huffs out, and then mumbles, "But, you know. Cos. She might wanna know."

Delphine exhales forcefully, not at all expecting Sarah to even mention Cosima. Even now, she can't stop the tendrils of pain that begin to wrap around her heart whenever she thinks of the other scientist.

"Cosima… is she…?" _Okay? Happy? _Delphine can't bring herself to finish the question. Knows she doesn't have the right.

"She's alive." Sarah clears her throat, debating, then, "Cured. Finally finishing her degree."

"That's good." Delphine already knows all this, as she has secretly been keeping tabs on Cosima through Marion Bowles. But still, she is nevertheless surprised that Sarah divulges that information. She wants to know more, but doesn't dare ask.

"So then," Sarah continues. "How 'bout you?"

Delphine finds it strange, unnerving even, that Sarah would even ask about her well-being.

"I'm…" _Here, but not really present. Alive, but not really living. _"Fine."

Sarah snorts, but doesn't call her out on the obvious lie.

Sighing, Delphine stands and chances a more direct glance at the other woman. She immediately regrets it. Sarah's not Cosima. She knows this. But the resemblance still feels like a punch in the gut, even after all this time.

"If you need anything else, you know how to reach us."

She sets off down a path away from the water, trying to put as much distance between her and the clone as possible. She doesn't get very far when Sarah suddenly appears at her side, matching her pace.

"What are you doing?" Delphine asks, bewildered.

"Nice day for a walk, don't ya think?" Sarah shoves her hands deep into the pockets of her hoodie.

"You should consider walking elsewhere. It's dangerous for us to be seen together."

"Calm down. Got a couple of guardian angels on the lookout. If anyone's tailing us, they'll take care of it."

Delphine's legs still while Sarah continues onward.

"Is there something else you needed?"

"Yeah, a drink," Sarah turns around and walks backwards, a lopsided smirk on her face. "On you, doc."

* * *

Sarah leads her several blocks from the park to an establishment called Bobby's Bar that reeks of stale smoke and beer. It isn't a dive, per se, but it has a sort of run-down charm that seems to suit Sarah. Marching band skeletons playing trumpets, LPs, and other random artwork adorn the yellow walls. In theory, the haphazard decorations should clash, but work surprisingly well together. Strings of blue lights hang in arches near the bar, and a combination of wooden and red cushioned chairs surround small round tables lined against the walls. A tiny stage framed by red velvet curtains sits at the other end of the room where a technician performs various diagnostic tests on the sound equipment.

Sarah plops down on a bar stool, not bothering to encourage Delphine to take a seat. A woman with bleached blonde hair dyed bright pink at the tips, dark rimmed glasses, and a nose ring approaches them from the other side of the curved bar. The turquoise camisole she's wearing proudly showcases the tattoo across her upper chest.

"The usual?" The bartender asks as Sarah takes off her sunglasses and pulls back her hood. Her hair is shorter than Delphine remembers its natural waviness somehow sleeker and less haphazard.

"Uh, yeah, Bobby," Sarah says. "Thanks."

"And for your friend?"

"Nothing for me, thank you," Delphine says politely.

"Make it two," Sarah brusquely orders.

Despite her irritation at Sarah's presumptuousness, curiosity nevertheless motivates Delphine to perch on her own stool. They again say nothing to each other until Bobby returns and slides toward them two old fashioned glasses filled with ice and two inches of brown liquor. Sarah picks hers up and sniffs.

"What's this?" She asks, scrunching her nose.

Bobby raises an eyebrow at her. "Bourbon, rocks. The usual?"

"Right." Sarah nods once. "Thanks mate."

Bobby shoots her a questioning glance before shrugging and moving off to serve other customers. Looking at Delphine for the first time since they entered the bar, Sarah tips her head in the direction of the other drink. As soon as Delphine picks it up, Sarah clinks their glasses together and downs most of the liquor in one shot, wincing and sucking air through her teeth after she manages to swallow. It almost looks like she has tears at the corner of her eyes.

"I think you're supposed to sip it," Delphine says.

"Where'd the fun be in that?" Sarah swipes at her eyes quickly. "Man, it's been a while."

"And yet it's your usual."

Sarah shrugs and motions for another round from Bobby. Delphine takes a long sip from her own drink. She's not really a fan of bourbon, but she nevertheless enjoys the way it burns sweetly on her tongue and down her throat, settling warm in her stomach. She hopes it'll help calm her frazzled nerves and slow her rapid pulse rate. She wishes for the millionth time that she hadn't quit smoking. She could kill for a cigarette.

"So what is it you want?" Delphine demands after Bobby has refilled Sarah's glass.

"Answers." Sarah brings the drink to her lips, only sipping it this time but still making a face at the taste. "You owe us at least that much, after everything."

"Ask whatever you'd like," Delphine says. "But I'll decide whether to answer or not."

Sarah's eyes narrow. "How long have you been working for Bowles?"

"I don't work for her."

She receives a pointed look. "We set up this drop with Bowles and she sent you."

"Marion and I have mutual interests." _Mutual investments. _"Sometimes our paths happen to cross."

Delphine declines to elaborate further. The truth is: she owes a lot to Marion Bowles. If not for Marion, she just might have been forced on that plane to Frankfurt two years ago. If not for Marion, Delphine might not even be alive - she had been prepared to risk everything to get back to Cosima. If not for Marion, she would never have received the offer she just couldn't refuse. Not even to be with Cosima.

"Well you don't work for DYAD anymore," Sarah points out. "That one-eyed bitch made that perfectly clear. So who do you work for?"

"With, might be more accurate." Delphine takes a sip of her bourbon.

"Okay." Sarah rolls her eyes. "Who do you work _with_?"

"Friends."

"And who would they be?"

"People who have your best interests in mind."

"Yeah, haven't heard that one before," Sarah says sarcastically, tapping the rim of her glass with a finger. "So, is that why you disappeared? Because you had our best interests in mind? Cosima's best interests?"

Delphine tenses at the sound of Cosima's name. She knows she shouldn't answer, should just let Sarah believe whatever the hell she wants, but she just can't stop herself from taking the bait-hook, line, and sinker.

"Yes," she says quietly. "Cosima means everything to me."

Sarah turns her head sharply toward her, scanning her eyes for truth or deception. In that moment, she reminds Delphine too much of Cosima that she has to look away, a twinge in her chest.

"Well, you got a funny way of showin' it," Sarah finally says.

"Excuse me?"

"If she means so bloody much to you, then why leave? And when she was still sick for chrissake?"

"I had to and… she told me to."

Two years ago, Delphine had known that the clones wouldn't be quick to forgive her for the inadvertent role she played in Kira's kidnapping. But she hadn't expected Cosima to not accept her apology. She had replayed that moment in her head nearly every day since their separation-how she had tearfully explained her mistake about the information Rachel had planted, how Cosima had just stared at her in silent horror for several long, excruciating minutes before muttering a soft, "just go," and turning her back on Delphine. The sting of her guilt and the pain of Cosima's third dismissal had been so intense; it had been an almost welcome relief when Rachel tried to banish her to Frankfurt.

"From what I hear," Sarah swivels herself back toward the bar, "you never did what she asked before. Why start then?"

A strangled sort of laugh emanates from Delphine, equal parts incredulous and resigned. She just couldn't win-whether she respected Cosima's wishes or not, it seems she'd always get burned. Long dormant anger begins to bubble inside of Delphine, and she takes a deep breath to stop herself from taking out her pent up frustrations on Sarah.

"Is it so hard to believe that all I want-all I've ever wanted-is to keep Cosima, all of you, safe?" Delphine asks, barely managing to keep her tone even and calm.

Sarah keeps her eyes trained on her bourbon, shoulders slumped over the bar, but Delphine can tell she's hanging on to every word.

"Besides, she's, she's better off without me," Delphine finishes.

"You're wrong," Sarah mutters in such a low voice that Delphine almost misses it.

It's not at all what she expects Sarah to say, and she doesn't know how to respond. So they sit in uncomfortable silence again, nursing their drinks. In the background, a band begins setting up their instruments on the stage. Random keyboard notes, guitar chords, and drum beats ring out at odd intervals.

"Was there anything else?" Delphine asks.

"One more thing. Siobhan told us that when she negotiated my release and Kira's, the tradeoff included Helena and a Project Leda scientist. Who was it?"

Years of practice allows Delphine to keep her facial expression neutral. "That's a question for Marion or maybe even your friend, Paul."

"After Helena escaped from Castor," Sarah continues undeterred, "she said the Leda scientist helped her. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"No."

"Right." Sarah clearly doesn't believe her.

Delphine could very well tell Sarah the truth-that she did play a role in Helena's escape. But it wouldn't change anything. What's done was done. She glances down at her wristwatch. They had been sitting there for less than 30 minutes, but it already felt three times as long. Reaching into her coat pocket, Delphine pulls out two $20 bills and places them on the surface of the bar.

"I have to go," she says and Sarah barely turns her head. "For what it's worth, I never meant to hurt any of you. I don't expect you to believe me, but I am trying to make things right."

She's no more than a few steps away when Sarah calls out, "Delphine wait." She pauses, pivoting her body halfway back around.

"Do you…" Sarah swallows hard, looking very much like it would physically pain her to ask the next question. "Do you even miss her?" She says in an uncharacteristically small voice that causes her to feel a sharp pang of sadness.

"Every second of every day."

Sarah's nostrils flare slightly as she lets out a long breath and nods, and Delphine finally takes her leave of the clone. She prides herself for not looking back when she reaches the door and exits.

* * *

Even though she quit smoking, Delphine can't resist a cigarette and a bottle of merlot when she returns to her hotel room later in the evening. She rests her arms against the railing of her balcony, overlooking the now darkened waters of Lake Ontario. Willing her bloodstream to absorb the nicotine as swiftly as possible, Delphine hopes the crisp autumn air will help cool the turmoil building inside her.

Delphine knows she should never have accepted Marion Bowles's request. Should have ignored the out-of-the-blue solicitation when she received it. But she could never say no when it came to the clones. And so Delphine had convinced herself that she could handle it, _would_ handle it.

But all it took was 30 minutes with Sarah Manning for her thoughts to go spiraling out of control. What had appeared, at the time she made them, to be crystal clear choices, now seemed horribly opaque. Should she have gone back to Cosima? Lord knows she had wanted to-so badly that the ache of missing the dreadlocked clone at times was damn near incapacitating. Had she made the right decision in choosing the greater good over her own interests? Did she really select the path she forged all out of altruism and a desire for karmic balance? Or had some small part of her, buried deep down, wanted to hurt Cosima back for… for what exactly? For not immediately understanding why she did the things she did? For not immediately forgiving her for her mistakes? For simply being human? Time and distance had muddled all the reasons that had once seemed so valid.

As Delphine pours a third glass of wine, someone knocks on her door. Only two people know her location, and neither were in the vicinity for an in-person visit. Nerves rising, she walks quickly on unsteady legs to her suitcase, which lays open and unpacked on the room's luggage rack. She reaches in and pulls out the Walther P99 that had been waiting for her in an airport locker after she flew into town. With practiced ease, she checks its clip, disengages the safety, and racks the slide in a rapid succession of clicks.

She approaches the door cautiously, gun cocked at the ready, and glances through the peephole. Delphine nearly drops her weapon when she sees who's on the other side.

_Sarah Manning._

Delphine recoils a few steps from the door, heart pounding into overdrive. She contemplates pretending like she's not there, when Sarah calls out: "Open up. I know you're in there."

Silently counting to 10, Delphine re-engages the safety and squeezes the gun's grip in her now clammy hand. She takes a deep breath and swings open the door.

"What are you doing here?" Delphine hisses, pulling Sarah into the room. "Are you trying to get us killed?"

Delphine sticks her head out into the corridor, looking left and right to ensure it's empty.

"Relax," Sarah says behind her. "I'm alone."

Delphine closes the door and locks it, turning to face Sarah, gun still firmly in her grip.

"Whoa." Sarah raises her hands. "You gonna shoot me now?"

"How did you find me?"

"Got eyes all over the city," Sarah says. "When did you learn how to use a gun? Something you picked up over at Project Castor?"

"I told you I don't know anything about that," Delphine says, brushing past Sarah and placing the weapon back in her suitcase. She turns around and crosses her arms, regarding Sarah with barely contained aggravation.

"And you're a terrible liar. Always have been."

There's something slightly off about Sarah now, in the timber of her accent and the less aggressive way she carries herself. Delphine shakes her head. It could just be the wine. But...

"They could kill you, you know," Sarah says.

"They?" A humorless smile appears on Delphine's face. "You're going to have to narrow that list down."

"DYAD, for defecting to Castor," Sarah says, rubbing at her eyes. "And Castor, for helping Helena escape."

All true. But Delphine also has protection from high places now.

"What's your point?"

"I want to know why," Sarah says, restlessly shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Why what?"

"Why help us? Especially when we've been," Sarah searches for the right words, "less than… fair… to you."

"Because." Delphine doesn't even know why she's continuing to entertain this conversation. She should just kick Sarah out. But she just _can't _seem to bring herself to do so. "Because I promised Cosima."

Sarah is suddenly very still, eyes intently searching hers.

"Promised her what?"

"To love all of you," Delphine responds before she can stop herself.

Sarah bends her head down and turns her back to Delphine, rubbing her forehead with her fingers and muttering what sounds like, "fuck."

"You've asked a lot of questions tonight," Delphine says sternly. "Now it's your turn to answer. Why are you really here? Why do you even care about what might or might not happen to me?"

"Because I love you."

Delphine freezes. It's not just the words she can't wrap her mind around, but the way Sarah says them-the British accent notably absent. Instead, Sarah's voice has adopted an achingly familiar American inflection.

_It… it can't be…_

Heart thudding painfully, Delphine watches, speechless, as Sarah swipes a finger at her eyes and removes thin circles of plastic. _Contact lenses. _She throws them away in a nearby wastebasket, reaches into the pocket of her hoodie only to pull out a familiar pair of black-rimmed cat eye frames. She scrunches her nose and squints her eyes as she puts them on and turns to look at Delphine.

Where once Sarah Manning stood, Cosima Niehaus now stands.

Delphine's lungs begin to burn from the breath she's holding and she releases it in a heated rush.

"Is this… is this some kind of joke?"

"No, it's me, Delphine. Please don't freak out."

Delphine doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, can barely string together a coherent thought through her shell-shock. "Have you… this whole time…?"

"I'm sorry." Cosima waves her hands apologetically in her usual Cosima fashion. "We can't risk having Sarah go to all the drops, so we take turns. We had no idea that… that you'd be the contact."

"You... you can't be here."

"Delphine." Cosima tries to approach her, but Delphine holds a hand up to stop her.

"No, Cosima or whoever you are. You have to leave. It's not safe."

"What?" She shakes her head. "So it was safe for me to be here when you thought I was Sarah?"

"No! That's not… If they know we're in contact, they'll use you against us."

"Us? Who is us?"

Delphine knows she's said too much already. "Cosima..."

"No, I'm not leaving until I get some answers."

"You've gotten more than enough," Delphine says as firmly as possibly, walking to the door and holding it open. "Please, just… just go," she says, quietly repeating the last words Cosima had spoken to her two years ago.

Her phrasing isn't lost on Cosima, who stares at her in disbelief for several long seconds before her gaze hardens.

"Fine."

She shoulders past Delphine, who shuts the door forcefully behind her. Her ears ring painfully in the ensuing silence.

"Merde."

Delphine paces back and forth in the room, raking shaky fingers through her hair, heart and mind racing. Had Marion known about this? Did she set them up? What would she say when she had to report in? She stops suddenly when she catches a whiff of the sweet and earthy scent of patchouli that she had always associated with Cosima. Why hadn't she noticed it sooner, in the park or at the bar? Had she been that distracted? Had the signs been there all along? And just how many times would Delphine allow herself to be fooled by those damned clones?

_Does it even matter?_

The thought comes to her unbidden. Cosima was just here. Right in front of her. Cosima. Living, breathing, vibrant, beautiful Cosima-the woman Delphine loved above all else; the woman she had longed to see again with every cell in her body; the woman who just told her, not five minutes ago, that she still loved her.

And Delphine had just kicked her out.

"What am I doing?" Delphine shakes her head. "This is crazy." Her heart seizes control of her body and she doesn't even fight it, bolting toward the door without further thought.

She swings the door open and immediately stops short in shock. Cosima stands on the other side, clinging to the door frame so tightly that her knuckles have blanched white. Their gazes lock and Delphine knows, without a doubt, that the confusion and want in Cosima's brown eyes are mirrored in her own.

They surge together, mouths frantically dueling in a clash of lips and tongues and teeth. Cosima buries her fingers in Delphine's hair and shoves her back into the room. Once the door closes, Delphine grips Cosima's waist and presses her against the adjoining wall. Delphine slides her hands down and lifts Cosima up, allowing her to wrap her legs tightly around Delphine's hips. She groans into Cosima's mouth when the smaller woman tugs her bottom lip between her teeth and begins rocking against her. Delphine can already feel her knees weakening. Before she completely loses the strength to hold Cosima up, Delphine carries her a few steps over to the bed and sets her down.

They waste no time tearing each other's clothes off and, within a few seconds, they are finally skin to skin. Delphine pushes Cosima down into the mattress, sucking in a sharp breath as Cosima rakes her fingernails down her back. She grinds down on the leg Cosima has slipped between her thighs, already shuddering from the electrifying contact, and blazes a trail of hot, open-mouth kisses along Cosima's throat. When she reaches the juncture of Cosima's neck and shoulder, Delphine sinks her teeth into the supple flesh at the same time she reaches for Cosima's breast and rolls a hardened nub between her fingers. Cosima whimpers, hips undulating. Delphine continues downward where she can wrap her lips around the other nipple, the sounds emanating from Cosima causing Delphine's own desire throb between her legs.

"God, you feel so good," Cosima whispers, looking down at her, eyes dilated with arousal. "Delphine, please."

Gazing up, she removes her hand from Cosima's breast, skims her palm down her stomach, and slips her fingers past a soft patch of curls and into Cosima's folds. Delphine moans when she feels how hot and slick Cosima is already. In one smooth motion, she slides two fingers into Cosima, who arches her back off the bed with a high-pitched gasp. Delphine quickly sets an unrelenting rhythm, thumb brushing insistently against Cosima's clit and lips finding Cosima's in a searing kiss.

Delphine can't believe any of this is happening. She savors the way Cosima tastes—like bourbon and fire and _life. _She had dreamed of moments like this, with a healthy and whole Cosima beneath her in the throes of passion. Had long given up hope that such dreams would ever again become reality.

Cosima soon begins to writhe uncontrollably beneath her, breaths coming out in harsh pants. When Delphine breaks their kiss and captures a nipple in her mouth again, Cosima's body stiffens and she lets out a strangled cry, clutching at Delphine's shoulders. She holds Cosima tightly with her free arm as she clenches around her fingers and rides out the waves of her climax.

Cosima is still quivering slightly when Delphine slowly slides out of her. Breathing heavily, Cosima cups her face and brings their lips together, less frenzied this time, but still just as passionate. Cosima lifts her hips and rolls them over so that she's straddling Delphine's stomach. Delphine closes her eyes, enjoying the weight of Cosima and the way her skin tingles as Cosima drags the tips of her fingers up the sides of her stomach. She groans when Cosima reaches her breasts, cups them, and gently pinches her nipples-a jolt of pleasure shooting straight to her groin. Delphine's not sure how much teasing she can take before she explodes.

"Je te veux, Cosima," she says desperately. "J'ai besoin de toi."

Still recognizing the phrases that Delphine had said to her in the past, Cosima smiles slyly and leans forward. She briefly seizes Delphine's lips once more before sliding down her body, nipping at her with soft kisses that make Delphine's stomach flutter in anticipation. Cosima positions herself between her legs and immediately smoothes the flat of her tongue along the entire length of Delphine's sex.

Delphine cries out, hips thrusting upward into the heat of Cosima's mouth as she laps at her. No one has ever loved her body quite as well as Cosima, and it doesn't take long before Delphine is on the verge of losing control. Her hips begin to buck erratically and she grips the sides of Cosima's head. When she feels Cosima's lips close around her aching bundle of nerves and the firm flicks of her tongue, Delphine's eyes roll back and she comes. Hard. Nearly blacking out as the orgasm rips through her body.

She's still trembling from the aftershocks as Cosima moves back up her body and settles on top of her. Cosima caresses her face so gently and kisses her so tenderly that Delphine's heart swells in her chest and tears pool behind her eyelids. Delphine knows there's too much left unresolved between them. So much left unsaid. But none of that matters right now. All that matters is Cosima. Here. Loving her. Even after everything.

* * *

Delphine doesn't know when exactly she dozed off. But when she opens her eyes, the room is already beginning to brighten with the approach of the coming dawn. She lies on her left side, facing Cosima, who is already awake and watching her, dark eyes quiet and contemplative.

"Hey," Delphine greets her with a smile.

"Morning."

"How long have you been up?"

"A while."

Only a few inches separate them and Delphine can't resist closing the gap and kissing Cosima just because she can. She takes her time, lingering in the contact and reveling in the proximity and warmth of Cosima's naked body; nuzzles the tip of her nose with her own after they break apart.

"Can I ask you something?" Cosima drapes an arm lightly across her hip. But when Delphine tenses, she quickly adds, "You don't have to answer if you don't want."

Delphine nods almost imperceptibly. "Okay."

"What on earth did you do to your hair?" A grin appears on Cosima's face as she runs her fingers through Delphine's short brown locks, nails gently scraping her scalp.

Delphine laughs, relaxing again for a bit. "I could ask you the same thing." It's bizarre, really, seeing Cosima without her dreadlocks.

"Oh, you know, it's so much easier pulling off clone shenanigans when we look even more alike—as you discovered first hand yesterday. I drew the line at cutting my bangs though. And you?"

"I thought it'd be less conspicuous. You don't like it?"

"I didn't say that. I think you'd look beautiful even if you had silver-gray hair and one white eye." Delphine playfully shoves Cosima's shoulder. "Though I guess that would defeat the purpose." Cosima bites her lip. "Can I ask you something else?"

Delphine takes a deep breath, instinctively knowing she probably wouldn't like the next question. But she inclines her head forward anyway.

"I can understand why you left," Cosima quietly starts. "But I… why didn't you ever come back?"

"I meant to, but..." Delphine knows she shouldn't say any more than that, but she owes it to Cosima to continue. "If you had the opportunity to protect the ones you love, and the ones they care about, wouldn't you take it?"

"You mean like infiltrating Project Castor?"

Although Delphine doesn't respond, she assumes Cosima interprets her silence as acquiescence.

"I waited for you," Cosima confesses, her voice wavering slightly. "I know that I hurt you, that we hurt each other. But I still thought I'd see you one last time before I… before anything happened."

Tears suddenly sting her eyes and Delphine blinks them back, swallowing hard against the lump forming in her throat.

"When you didn't show up and I hadn't heard from you, I wanted so badly to hate you. And for a while there, I convinced myself that I did. But, honestly? It was never you I hated."

Delphine can't stop the wetness that spills out, and she quickly wipes her cheeks. "Cosima…"

"I tried to find you, but you were just _gone_. Rachel tried to sell some insane story about you being killed in Frankfurt. But I knew she was lying. I could_ feel_ it." Cosima pushes herself up on an elbow. "I have a few theories about what might have happened. Do you want to hear them?"

She has a feeling Cosima plans to share those theories whether she wants her to or not, so she just nods, not trusting her ability to speak.

"Bowles told Sarah that she had allies in the shadows-ghosts she called them-trying to dismantle the cloning projects, internally and externally. We didn't know whether to trust her, but then Helena came back to us, pregnant no less, with some crazy story about how she escaped the military with the help of Paul, some Castor clone, and a Leda scientist.'

Delphine lies perfectly still as Cosima's eyes search hers for what seems like a short eternity, leaving her feeling vulnerable and exposed.

"And I thought: maybe Bowles was telling the truth. And that maybe you had become one of her ghosts. And so with every drop since then, I secretly hoped you'd pop up eventually. And here you are."

It doesn't surprise Delphine that Cosima has already worked much of it all out. She had always been too clever for her own good. And when Cosima smiles at her, so lovingly, so hopefully, Delphine can feel her already weakened resolve start to crack. Screw Bowles and her ghosts. Delphine had already given so much to their cause. She could have this moment of truth with the woman she loved. Needed it.

"Cosima, after what happened with Kira, I thought I lost you." Delphine's voice is rough to her own ears. "I know I should have come back. And I'll never forgive myself for not being there for you. But I was angry too and… and afraid. Afraid that you might not forgive me. Afraid that I'd have to watch you die." She takes a deep breath. "And so when Marion and her… allies… approached me with an opportunity to help shut down Leda and Castor, I ran with it." _And away from you. _"And as much as I did it for you and your sisters, I also had my own selfish reasons."

Cosima's gaze softens. "Don't we all?" It sounds less like a question to Delphine, and much more like acceptance and possibly forgiveness. Her tears continue to fall, and Cosima gently wipes them away with the pads of her thumbs. "If you hadn't gone, Helena and her daughter might not be with us today."

"Maybe."

"So you _were_ the Leda scientist?"

Delphine smiles and runs a finger down Cosima's cheek. "You already knew the answer to that question."

Cosima gazes at her for several long beats. "Here's something I don't have the answer to: why all the secrecy? Why not let us help you?"

"What makes you think you're not already?"

Cosima's brow scrunches up as she mulls the implications of her statement.

"If I asked who Marion's ghosts are, would you tell me?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because that's not my secret to share."

Judging by the skeptical tilt of Cosima's head and her raised eyebrow, Delphine knows she isn't at all satisfied with the answer. But it's the best she can give right now.

"I _can _assure you that they, like me, are invested. In you. In all of you."

"Invested, huh?" Although Cosima looks like she wants to pursue that line of questioning, she says nothing further. Instead, she turns her head slightly toward the balcony and the receding twilight.

"I'm, like, never up this early," Cosima says, switching gears already and reaching for her glasses. "Let's go outside."

"Now? It's too cold."

"So we'll bring a blanket." She hops out of the bed and pulls at the covers. "C'mon."

Delphine has only a few seconds to admire Cosima's shapely form before she wraps herself in the comforter, slides open the balcony door, and steps out into the cold morning. Settling on a lounge chair, she waves her over and Delphine can't help but follow. Goosebumps breakout along her arms and legs the minute the chilly air hits her skin. Shivering, Delphine hurries to Cosima, who opens the blanket to accept her, and she's immediately enveloped in Cosima's body heat. Delphine nestles herself between Cosima's legs and leans her back against Cosima's chest, her body still trembling slightly from the cold.

"Better?" Cosima asks, resting her head on Delphine's shoulder and rubbing her warm hands up and down her arms.

"Much better," she answers, caressing Cosima's cheek with her own as the smaller woman wraps her arms around her waist.

They fall silent as the golden glow of the sun begins to peek out where the lake's edge meets the horizon. Delphine savors the feel of Cosima's strong, even breaths and begins counting every beat of Cosima's heart. She's almost lulled back to sleep when Cosima speaks up again.

"How long are you staying?" She whispers against Delphine's ear.

"I'm flying out today."

The arms around her middle tighten. "To where?"

"You know I can't tell you that." Delphine lightly squeezes Cosima's forearms, feels the other woman deflate with a long sigh. "We can't have you directly involved. DYAD and Castor, they would use you as leverage against us."

"In case you haven't noticed, Delphine, we're _already _involved. And they already _have _used us. I don't… I don't need you to protect me. I can protect myself."

She turns her head so she can look into Cosima's eyes, wide and bordering on distress. "I know you can."

"Then tell me where you're going." Cosima's voice cracks a little and Delphine nearly caves. "Please."

"I want to tell you, Cosima, but I can't. I'm sorry."

Cosima shakes her head. "I don't—I won't—accept that."

"I know." Delphine smiles sadly, expecting nothing less. She faces forward, watching the sky gradually lighten to brighter shades of blue as the sun rises higher and higher.

"I'll just find you again," Cosima breathes out after a few minutes, lips brushing Delphine's cheek. "Wherever you go."

Delphine closes her eyes, warmth spreading through her chest, and laces their fingers together. "I'll count on it."

* * *

The call comes as Delphine rides in a cab to the airport.

"Cormier."

"Is it done?"

"Yes. They have the locations of the remaining subjects."

"Excellent. The sooner Bowles and Dierden execute their awareness plans, the sooner they all can protect themselves. And we can end this once and for all."

"Yes."

"Who was the contact?"

"Sarah Manning." The lie slips out easily.

"Good. It might have complicated matters in the off chance it had been Cosima." A pause. "I know this is difficult for you, Dr. Cormier. It's difficult for us all. But sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness to protect the ones we love."

"Understood."

"I'll see you in Langley in a few hours."

"Take care, Mr. Niehaus."


End file.
